Wiener Wars


A crowded suburban backyard. Clean but cheerless.

JOHN sits at the end of a row of plastic chairs. His head is bent over, and he stares intently at the ground.

The camera pans in showing what looks to be the length of a gleaming pink tube.

The camera now moves in closely to an AN OFFICIAL’S face as he is looking downward closely examining what he sees in-front of him


What are you saying?

I’m Sorry…. It is just not short enough…


All eyes in the backyard riveted on John and the Official. John lunges at the Official, beating his fists against his chest.

The camera slowly pans from the John to the Official than uncomfortably slowly to a smiling gentleman with a ketchup coated mustache.

The words “ Wiener War Champion” fade in to the frame.

End Scene

Come.. challenge the would be champion.. show him you have courage.


The Event:

Date:  9/1 /2012
Time: 12:00 PM
Location: Underneath the Feasting Tree
Food: Hotdogs
Time: 10 Min
Cost:  $20
Prize: Winner gets:

  1. the coveted golden dog tag
  2. name on theofficial UEF perpetual pride plaque (UEF:PPP)
  3. feeling of accomplishment
  4. bragging rights to hold over all the runner up saps
2nd Place gets:
A first (but better than the rest) silver loser dog tag
3rd Place gets:
Some shit and stuff (better than the shitty shit all the other shits get) something like  a frozen hotdog on a chain

Runner ups:  a depressing black loser dog tag to remember your shame.

Last place: gets a demasculating, defeminizing dogtag of loserdum.. We will remember you.. all of us.. we will remember you as the biggest loser of   9/1/2012 that will EVER exist in the anvils of time.

Wiener Wars

Sign up if you are courageous



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